I Don't Get It

Okay. I'm feeling foolish today. I've kind of got a crush on a guy at my watering hole. It's kind of weird because I'm attracted to him but it's really not a physical attraction. He's different. Social but he doesn't seek out relationships. I know that he'd be bad for me as a significant other. Maybe too much like my ex. He's very bright. Has a unique sense of humor. Reads the New York Times daily. When we sit by him he reads the paper but entertains us when he reads an unusual article and throws it out for us which stimulates banter. Most of the time we have fun with it or have discussions on politics. I like him so I've given him my phone number. Not once but twice. For one reason or another, until last night I didn't get that, as the book says, "He's just not that into you." Yesterday I wasn't sitting by him. I was sitting with some other friends but talked with him and his group while there. He left and didn't say goodbye. That told me just how interested he is. Now I'm a pretty smart cookie. How on earth did I miss that social cue?!?!Today I see clear as day that he's not interested. I'm not crushed by that. I guess I'm not THAT into him either. I'm considering not going back to Bogey's for awhile because I feel so silly. I have searched for my own intentions in seeking him out. One thing I know is that it's not sexual. I have no fantasies of spending the rest of my life with him. I can't even imagine having sex with him. So why do I flirt and persist? What is my expectation? I really don't think that I have one. Maybe that's the reason. I'm intrigued by something about him. I have no expectations. I guess that I want to be a good friend. If my feelings are hurt it's because he doesn't want to make that move. Then again, he might not be interested in me sexually and thinks that I am. He may be afraid that he might be encouraging me if he did respond. He's an odd bird. He goes to Bogey's everyday to have a few drinks. I can only guess that he does to be with people. Maybe it's really just to be around people because I don't think that he really wants to be "with" anyone. The rest of the crowd and I have discussed Tom's social skills so to speak. Some are offended that he reads the paper while sitting there. Everyone loves him and his company, but I've learned that sometimes they get frustrated that he can sit there and ignore them by reading the paper. Ahh. I think I know what it is. I have issues as well with becoming too intimate with people. I like very much to be around people but I also keep most at a comfortable distance emotionally. So that's what the attraction is! We're kindred spirits in a sick kind of way. What a dichotomy though. I feel attracted to someone who doesn't want to get too close to anyone. Well now there's a losing proposition!